06 April 2008

Yet Another Update

Hey hey hey...it’s been a while.

I thought it would be a good time to write a quick update of some sort. I had very good intentions on catching up with y’all last weekend but it simply did not happen. And for good reasons at that.

It looks like the bitter end of winter is finally here. The days seem sunnier and warmer. I would like to believe we are out of the blue where snow and cold is concerned. I’m keeping my fingers crossed because this winter seemed to drag on and on. The brightness and that certain smell of spring in the air is definitely improving my mood and those around me.

I’ll be honest. Winter was rough, especially from mid-February and on. I don’t care for airing too much dirty laundry via my blogs so I’ll keep it short and sweet - my anxiety was sky high. Sure, I was stressed in several areas of my life - work, health of myself and of others, and so on. I’ve always been the nervous kind but this bout of anxiety was far from fun. I don’t think it was ever this bad - it came to the point of affecting me physically. However, this time taught me something - it showed me that I do have the strength to get help. And I’m not saying that I’m weak and frail either. Bottom line is - I have anxiety and I want to learn how to control it so every day events shouldn’t be stressed over. I don’t ever want it to get to the point where it was at the end of February and early March. I don’t want to be shaky at the thought of leaving the house. I’m much more conscious of it though and I have talked it through with friends and professionals. I’m trying to get out and get a little more active (I tried Pilates tonight!). I’m trying to find the things that make me happy and challenge me. I’m trying to feel less isolated (which I’m beginning to think is part of the problem since moving to Quebec).

So, do you want the good recent news or the bad recent news? Let’s get the bad out of the way first.

Just when I thought my anxiety was on the mend and I was going back to work (I took a bit of a stress leave, if you will), my dog ended up getting in a really nasty fight with another dog last weekend (though the more I think of it, the more I think he was attacked first). Hence no blog update - I was busy mopping up eight bleeding wounds and trying to not cry my head off. Of course, last weekend was the weekend the boyfriend went out of town. Of course! That’s always when shit happens. Anyway, I don’t want to go into details.

My dog got bit about 8 times, very badly. I felt like it was my fault. I didn’t know what to do because I panicked but I tried my best. I couldn’t get him to see a vet immediately because he couldn’t walk that well and we leave on a second floor (refused to walk down the stairs). We couldn’t carry him. He didn’t want to eat or drink. We managed to get him antibiotics the day after, by the persistance of my friend’s mother. When the boyfriend finally got home, we got him (the dog, haha) to a vet. He had a fever, poor thing. They cleaned, drained, and flushed his wounds. We are continuing to clean/flush the wounds at home and give him peanut butter coated pills. After a day or so, there was such an improvement. The swelling is down and he is affectionate again, he has his appetite and he’s smiling at everything. He’s my silly, goofy dog again - back to his ol’ ways. I’m so grateful, so incredibly grateful. I thank my friends that kept me company on Saturday, my friend’s mom who bent over backwards to find help and talk me through my anxiety, and those who called to check in on me and to give me pep talks. We truly appreciate it. :) Toshio is happy and on the mend! Yippee!

And onto the good news....

I’m learning my first instrument. No, it’s not a piano. Le sigh. It’s still cool and awfully quirky! It’s a ukulele, which is a lot more affordable and easy to store than a piano. It’s a cool little instrument too - it’s a metal-bodied resonator ukulele. It has a very bright tone and it’s loud. I got it last night so I’ve been fooling around on it ever since. The boyfriend has been showing me a few things he knows, general music "stuff", and little lessons I can do. I strummed along with him (badly) to a simple song he was playing on the guitar. With the limited chords I am comfortable with right now, I can play the chorus to Aha’s Take on Me (which is not cool, but whatever) and I can also play along with Johnny Thunders’ Sad Vacation. As well, doing some fingerpicking exercises to that riff in Wipeout. Before you know it, I will be tip-toeing through the tulips. But seriously, I’ve discovered that it is a really underrated instrument. It’s actually really cool to play even though you have to hold it high up and the boobs get in the way.

Other than that, things are good. I’m feeling happier. My dog is happier and healthier. Spring is here and it’s causing me to have weird dreams that guest stars ex-boyfriends and Big Brother contestants. I have a brand new shiny ukulele and another week off work between projects. It hurts the bank account but I’m looking forward to warm days and good books and ukulele lessons and home-cooked meals. And maybe, just maybe, another go at Pilates.

05 April 2008

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17 November 2007

Last Night

All this work has really caught up to me. It's my first day off of my weekend and I feel like a monster of a cold is coming on. I'm heavy-headed, I'm slightly feverish, and all I want to do is curl up on the couch with a blanket. I'm emotional. I need sleep and soup and kisses on my forehead. Sigh.

The man is out of town, playing in Quebec City tonight. He'll be back very early in the morning as they are driving back after the show. I was left in charge of the dog today. I discovered what fun it is to walk a dog when it's cold and you are feeling like pure crap. At least, seeing the dog act silly and run around makes me smile. Yet, I have to say, I'm not looking forward to going out to walk him tomorrow morning and I doubt my partner wants to take him out if he only sleeps for three or four hours.

It's been a weird couple of days. Not weird, amazingly weird. Just weird; emotionally, regarding people, etc. On Thursday, on my way to work, I was laughed at by some teenagers in the metro station. This was not the first time. For some reason, teenagers laugh at me in this city. And no, I'm not being paranoid either. It was almost something out a movie. This chick pointed at me and laughed a big belly laugh, "HA HA HA, LOOK AT HER!". I didn't say anything, as usual. However, I walked away thinking that this really doesn't bother me. And I was grateful that I didn't let such a comment bug the hell out of me like it did in the past. Moments later, I was standing on the escalator. The man beside me, who sounded a bit drunk, turned to me and said, "I just want you to know that you are very beautiful and I hope you have a wonderful day." That was sweet.

An acquaintance from back home passed away today. It's made me a little sad, even though we weren't close. I will always admire her strength and positivity regarding life and her illness.

I'm done like dinner. Must curl up in bed or drink hot tea....

11 November 2007

Boring

I do apologize for doing some website promotion in my blog but I need all the extra cash I can get! I cannot reveal my sponsors - ooh, how mysterious am I? Anyway, I thought I would write a real blog even though it seems as though commentary from friends are limited nowadays. I have to wonder if others are as sick of being online as I am or has everyone moved to Facebook?

I hope you are all well. Happy autumn!

There is not much new at my end of the world. After a long stint of not working, I am back at my job. My work is funny that way. Not "ha-ha" funny either. When there is no work, it's scary. The time off is intense and all my bills stresses me out. I slack off on my sad attempt at budgeting. However, when work starts up again...I transform into a machine. When it rains, it pours - as they say. It seems as though I have been working like a madwoman. I have some regular eight hour days and then I have a monster of a day - nine, ten, eleven hours plus. I can't complain - I do need the money, especially at this time of year. By the end of the week, I am toast. Done like dinner. All I want to do is go to sleep for a good two days. Therefore, my social life is non-existant. I don't have one.

And I can't really say that I mind. Of course, it would be nice to go out on the town and paint it red or get dolled up for an adventurous night. Yet, at the end of the week, all I can think about is being home and comfortable - spending a night curled up on the couch with my partner, the dog at our feets napping away, having a nice homemade meal that I am not in a rush to make. Oh, how domestic I have become!

I can't believe it is November now. Christmas is almost a month away. It is also a month away before I go home again. I have yet to book my flight because I do everything last minute. I feel bad about going, abandoning my dog and my partner. When I went home in the summer, I cried when I left Toshio...knowing that he's sitting there all bummed out and knowing that mommy's leaving. Ugh, it's heartbreaking to leave him when he is giving me that face that says, please don't go.

Anyway, what else can I tell you....

I'm reading here and there, watching some good and bad movies lately, making some wicked autumn meals (like veggie chili and homemade bread and cake), brainstorming for unique and inexpensive Christmas gifts, listening to a lot of Japanese instrumental music from the 60s, still plugging away at my gratitude photoblog, and playing one too many games of online Scrabble on Facebook.

Yep, I'm going through a boring phase.

29 September 2007

Weird Dream

It's been awhile since I have shared my dreams here. I don't know who is amused by my silly night-time dreams other than Dawneth. Anyway, I told my partner that I had a dream about someone and he stopped me - he did not want to know any more. So, I share with you, my lovely blog readers...

I'm in Kildonan Mall, back home in Winnipeg. I'm with a friend. I cannot remember who, but I'm certain it was a male friend. We're walking through the center court area. As with many generic shopping centers, there is this center area with a sitting area (for the old folks and tuckered out parents of teenagers) with a skylight above. So, I'm walking with my man friend...we're chatting...laughing it up. I took a look at all of those sitting in the center court. It's full of goths. Goths, everywhere! And the goths...they had a ringleader in a trenchcoat. I didn't take much notice of who the ringleader was.

As we were walking away from the circle of goths, I heard a heckle.

"What is that? A man!? Look at her hands! She's got man hands! She's got man hands!"

In "real" life, I have had jocko types who have bluntly asked at the bar if I was a man or a drag queen or a lesbian just because I am tall and wear makeup. I never told them "what" I was other than give them a good bark and maybe once I shoved one of the jockos. Anyway, so there I am in the dream getting heckled. I turn around, mad as hell to see who said that. It was their ringleader in the art of darkness. And it was none other than Scott Baio.

I scream. I scream like I never have before. I scream to him that I am not a man. I scream that my hands are not man hands. And I left the best for last for my final scream:

"AT LEAST I'M NOT SCOTT BAIO, CHARLES in CHARGE!"

I walked away and felt incredibly satisfied that I left Scott Baio speechless. And then I felt a tinge of regret when I finally admitted it to myself, "I kinda liked Charles in Charge".

And then I woke up...

10 September 2007

Late Summer Update

It's about time that I let you know the skinny on what's been happening in the lovely life of Linda. I haven't been blogging and writing as much as I would like to and I hope to get back into the swing of things, especially with summer sadly winding down.

I have to say, I had a truly fun summer. If I were to make a list of things that happened, it probably wouldn't amount to much as far as number of things go. I had a lot of great little things happen to me and, for that, I am grateful.

Firstly, we got Toshio the Happy Good Luck Dog. I remember the night I met Toshio. Zak dropped him off at our place as he was dogsitting at another friend's house. I was so scared! I never had a dog before, only cats. I was scared he would turn on me in the middle of the night and attack me when I was peacefully sleeping in bed. Those thoughts left me very quickly after that first night. It didn't take long to fall in love with Toshio. Somedays, I just look at him and I am amazed at what a wonderful creature he is. I am so very glad he is in my life, it's not even funny. I used to hate dog kisses and dog slobber and dog smell, but now...oh, how I love Toshio's kisses and I don't mind his slobber even when it's all over my nice skirts and I could honestly care less that he smells "like a dog". He's my dog and that's all that matters. He is well, thanks for asking! He is getting better around strangers and is behaving rather well. He is still pulling on his leash everyday. He has had many encounters with skunks recently and, knock on wood, he's been one lucky dog.

I'm sure all of you will remember photographs in my previous entries of the distinguished Chester the Cat that lives on my balcony. Just recently, we found out the history of Chester. His owner finally took the time to find her cat, after months of him living in a Rubbermaid container on our balcony. She told me that his name is Vendredi, which means Friday in French. He was born on Good Friday and he is seventeen years of age. He's an old man cat who does not want to go home, she said as she manhandled Chester. Last Wednesday, Chester started to look ill and I started to worry. I know he is not my cat nor is he my neighbor's cat. He is simply a cat that chose to live on our balcony in a blue Rubbermaid container for a house. He looked frail. He could not close his mouth, tongue hanging out. He had a glob of yellow-ish drool on his chin. He looked skinnier and he smelled rather funky. We were all worried, the neighbors and myself included. He disappeared this last Friday and I thought he went away forever. My neighbor ended up talking to the owner. Chester is back at his first home and the owner is not letting him out anymore. I hope she takes good care of him but I sadly doubt it. I wonder if I will ever see his handsome face ever again?

As far as my health goes, my thyroid has once again turned inactive on me. I had another series of doctors appointments and blood tests which determined this. Overall, I haven't been feeling that bad - just a little dizzy here and there, which I naively thought was the result of the heatwave we were having in Montreal. My doctor upped my medication and I am waiting for it to kick in. I have another blood test at the end of the month. As well, I have started a new skincare regime as per my lacklustre dermatologist. My skin currently hates me for using this particular gel that I am using. I have winter skin; dry and itchy. I have discovered that everything I use on my face contains alcohol which causes my face to feel like it is on fire and my eyelids to become extremely dry. I won't give up hope yet so see if there are any positive results.

I'm still laid off from work and I'm okay with that. Work should be starting up soon, so they say. They have recently handed off some paperwork to do at home and that made me happy. I like working from home. It means that I can work while listening to Guns N' Roses in my pajamas. I'm looking forward to starting work again - it gets me out of the house and it's always nice to have a regular paycheque. I'm not looking forward to dealing with people again and being away from my dog however.

I haven't been writing or being as creative as I wanted to be this summer. I have been taking lots of photographs with my digital camera so I guess that counts as something.

I have, however, been regularly watching that reality show called Big Brother. It's something that I am not proud of and I hate to admit how much I enjoy the show. I rarily watch television so you'd think that I would stick with something "smart". Heh, nope. It's trash television. Is it wrong of me to admit that, for once, I adore how the game is turning out? Is it wrong to be excited to see the person I want to win up there in the final three?! Err, admitting this makes me feel ashamed! One last thing - I love Dick!

I had the pleasure, this summer, of entertaining two out of town friends as well. Nicole came out for a few weeks in August and Ren came out this past weekend. Both visits were full of fun and exploration! I had a blast with them. You know, I don't have a lot of friends here so it was nice to get out and see all these little things I normally don't get out to see. It kept me busy, that's for certain! I went many places during this time too, many places I never knew existed! As well, I blew off some steam via the power of shopping. It's about time that I spent some of my hard earned money on ME. We went for lunch, we saw some pretty cool museum exhibits, we went to many different shops, and we did a lot of walking about. I can't wait until my sister comes out or even some other friends back home. Now I know where to take them even though I might still get a little lost along the way!

Speaking of shopping, I started to pick up a few gifts for Christmas already. I always despised those who shop early for Christmas. Perhaps, it is bitterness for being among the masses that shops last minute. I figure that in the long run, I will save more money by shopping earlier and bit by bit versus all in one shopping trip. I will also save some sanity, which is always a good thing. I picked up something cool for my brother-in-law and something really unique for my sister that I just know she will adore! Maybe this will give me more time to make individual cross-stitched goodies for people this holiday season!

Wow, what else can I tell you?!

What does the autumn hold for me? Hmmm...
Continue taking photos and loving my boo-boo dog. I would love to quit smoking for my health and to save money. I look forward to coming home for Christmas but I don't look forward to being apart from Zak and Toshio. I hope to get my ass into gear and start writing something more than a few blogs here and there. I hope more friends come out to conquer Montreal for a day or longer! I hope to have more drinks and more company over and invite more folks for dinner. I hope to work until late spring but we'll see what happens with my frequently unreliable job. I'll probably spend a little more time exploring Montreal on my own.

All in all, I just look forward to being happy and healthy and getting wintery dog kisses.

02 August 2007

I'm back

So!

I should be writing this fabulous blog. You know, one that catches us up on everything that has happened in the last fews weeks. One that rants and raves about what a fantastic trip, without sparing you the sordid details. Believe me when I say that I want to.

However, I'm sitting before the computer and sweating. Sweating for all the wrong reasons. My twelve days in Manitoba was spent in sweltering hot temperatures. I return to Montreal for much of the same. I swear, this delicate flower is wilting.

I'll say this much - I had a blast. My last two trips back home were write-offs, being sick and all. This time rocked. I wasn't sick once! I saw friends, I spent tons of time with family, I kicked ass at American Idol on the Playstation, I took tons of photos (a lot, I'm afraid, weren't as artistic as I liked them to be), I got new glasses, I got a haircut, I spent waaay too much money on cheap shopping (A sweater for $6.99! Capri pants for $9.99!), and so on and so forth.

The downsides, other than the heat, were the terrible mosquitoes and the water. I don't know what it is but Winnipeg water tastes like dirt, even with a water filtering system. Selkirk water is incredibly bad. Not to mention, Manitoba water makes my hair and skin look like crap. Oh, and it always sucks to say bye and feeling like old friends have drifted away because of distance.

I will write in depth of my trip. Perhaps, I will do a photo-blog about it. Looks like I exceeded the amount of photos for my Flickr, so I'll either upgrade or find somewhere else to post them. Until then, hang on tight for a real update!

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