24 March 2007

Angry Rant, directed at so-called groupies

Ack, I finally have another regular weekend off and I have a headache. Stupid head, it's sucking the life out of me today.

Soon, another tour will begin and soon I will be titled The Tour Widow one more time. I'm trying my best to behave and not leave snide comments due to my petty jealousies about the attention my partner will get from women. Yarg, wish me luck.

I have a beef. I try so hard to be cool and accepting. I know I am. I trust my partner and I believe in what he is doing. But I have such a hard time with the whole getting attention from girls who just like him because he has a musical instrument in his hands. I know, deep down, he likes the attention. Everyone likes attention, everyone likes to feel sexy.

A while back, I caught naked boobies on our computer. It's a band thing - the girls write the name of the band member on their cleavage and send it to the band. It ends up on OUR computer because he is the one that checks the mail, right. It fucking drives me nuts. But I have to accept this because it's not day-to-day real life. It's a band thing, a band image to uphold. I just want a little honesty though. I want a warning. I want to hear that some random girl sent pics of her boobs with my partner's name written across them - rather than accidentally finding them on my computer when I am alone and feeling like shit.

He doesn't understand. I have no reason NOT to trust him. I do trust him, a lot. It is just a little taxing on your heart when you see shit like this all of a sudden. These girls know sweet fuck all about who he is. They don't know it is ME that built a life with him, it was ME who moved halfway across the country to be with him. It is ME that is pretty much financially supporting HIS dream. They just see him as another slutty musician, whatever. It's hard for me to not take it personally.

I work really hard to live. I live in a city where I don't speak the language. I have a very, very limited amount of friends. Everyone I honestly love is back home. I probably expect too much of my partner. Or maybe I miss the attention I once had. You know, back home...I had a line up of guys finding me attractive. Here, I get called "ugly" in the subway, I have girls calling me down there too. My head is all messed up.

Bottom line. I don't want to see your naked boobs on my computer. I'm sure you wouldn't want to see women sending your boyfriend naked photos - women they talk to in a "friends only" way online. Why is it different when the man in question is a musician? They are still people....they still have girlfriends and wives. Respect their homelife.

Of course, you'll all be turning the table on me - my insecurities, my paranoia. Go ahead. I trust my partner. I just don't trust that bitch who'll pay $5 to see a band and expect to "party" with the band afterwards...just because her tits are big and she is shitfaced. Fuck her.

And why is it different - why do I have to be okay with these stupid women sending their naked photos to my boyfriend? I don't see him as a musician. I see him as a person I am spending my life with.

But no, I have to fucking suck it up and accept it. Put on a smiling face and play the role of supportive girlfriend who pays the fucking internet bill, among other bills, and puts up with this shit.


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